Upon my arrival back home from Miami in April, I soon found out I was three to four weeks pregnant. In disbelief, I was shocked and above all, terrified to tell my mother! What would she say? Would she be upset, mad, happy? I decided to tell my Mema first to see what she thought and I think it's safe to say she was even more nervous than I was.
"But you didn't want any children!" she exclaimed. This is true, but it was also a surprise to myself! A few days later I finally got up the courage to tell my mother, through tears, that she was going to be a Grandmother. She gasped, "I AM?!"
"Yes!!" I told her. She asked me why I was crying and if I was upset about it and I said "No, I was just terrified to tell you!"
"WHY?!" she said! My mother was always very adamant to my sister and I both "do not get pregnant." "Do. not. get. pregnant." "I'm not raising any grandchildren!" I can hear her saying. So even at the age of 24 and living on my own with a stable and supportive boyfriend I was still as scared as ever to tell her but was relieved when I saw the excitement on her face.
Now that I had gotten that off my chest I could finally relax. My mom knew and I was still breathing and everything was going to be ok! I'm going to have a baby and it's going to be so loved and I was excited about it! These were just a few of the thoughts running through my mind.
A few days later we were in the emergency room. Thankful I had told my mother a few days previously or else this would have all came as an even bigger shock and in a terrifying way. I had not yet been seen at my OBGYN and since I was not an "official patient" with them yet they told me I must go to the emergency room for spotting I was having. I knew that spotting could be common in early pregnancy but I was still terrified. After being in the hospital for several hours the doctors confirmed that the embryo was in utero and everything appeared to be fine. They assured me that this can happen early on and doesn't necessarily mean anything bad.
My mom and I left the hospital relieved and headed off to the polls to get my vote in for Bernie Sanders. I wasn't going to let an exhausting and scary day get in the way of my vote! We grabbed dinner and my mother dropped me off at my house and reassured me everything was going to be ok.
A week or so later I was back in the emergency room. This time for shooting pain in my lower abdomen and bleeding. I was convinced that my little baby was gone. David and I left the house around 11 pm and headed to the hospital where we met my mom. I laid in the hospital for three hours, bleeding, only to have a doctor come in to tell me that there was nothing they could do and to follow up at my OBGYN the next day, at my appointment. I left the hospital in tears, positive that I was miscarrying.
The following afternoon my mother and I headed to the doctors office. I sat in the exam room crying and waiting for the doctor to come in to look at me and tell me that I had lost my baby. After what felt like forever the doctor came in and told me that they were going to do an ultrasound to see if my baby was indeed still there or not. In my head I was hoping and wishing that I was wrong and that my little surprise was still there. They took us to the room to perform the ultrasound and there on the screen we saw my little girl's heartbeat for the first time. She was 5 weeks and 5 days. I was so excited and relieved to see that she was still there and continued crying. Of course, at this point we hadn't yet known it was a girl. My mother comforted me as well as the doctors. After the exam the doctor told me that I was no where near in the clear yet. That the bleed could still take my baby and that I would have to continue to follow up the next week and so on after that.
The following week my mom and I were back in the office and my little one was still there! Even though I was still bleeding, her heartbeat was strong and the doctors told me that she was growing accordingly. But that again, I was still at risk and could still miscarry because of the amount of blood that they were seeing.
Back again, the next week. This time when performing the ultrasound the doctor told me that my bleed had gotten bigger instead of smaller. Because of this I was transferred to high risk and the following day was in their office. When they performed their ultrasound, the bleed had gone back down to its previous size that it had been the following week. I was still very upset at this point and still knew that I might not be able to carry my baby. After scheduling a follow up appointment for the following month, my mother and I left the office.
The next month felt like an eternity and I woke up every morning wondering if that day was going to be the day that I would miscarry. It was a very dark and scary time for me and every time I felt something, "am I miscarrying?" ran through my mind. But as each day passed and nothing went wrong I slowly started to feel better and, even though it was hard, tried to remain positive.
The month between appointments was finally over and there had been no sign of miscarriage. Mema and I headed up to high risk with our fingers crossed and in hopes that the bleed would no longer be there. After an ultrasound we were told the the bleed had seem to be very small if not completely gone. We were so excited! Mema watched my little one on the screen as she rolled and kicked around. We were amazed at the detail and how much my little baby looked like a baby already. After the nurse relayed all of the news back to the doctor I was then released from high risk. We were all so relieved and excited that it looked like my sweet little baby was going to survive this ordeal after all. She was three months in utero at this point and already so strong willed and determined to be apart of this world.
Fast forward to almost four months later and we just had our shower for our daughter on October 1, 2016. I decided to share my experience because I know A LOT of women struggle with this issue and misscarriage as well and rarely talk about it. It is ok to talk about and it is ok to ask for help. I know I did and I know it benefited me in doing so. That being said, let's get to the happy and fun part of this blog post, THE SHOWER!
It was October 1st and the day of my shower had finally arrived! A lot of hard work from my parents and I went into the preparation of this day. I needed everything to be perfect. Typically, I know that the mother-to-be is often surprised with her shower but I couldn't have that. Not with my love of party throwing and planning. I must say that everything turned out beautifully and it wouldn't have been possible without the help, support and love from my parents! So much thanks to them and to everyone that celebrated with us and made our day special!
The table set, ready for its guests to arrive
My perfect parents who did everything I wanted and more to make this day special for me. I love you both more than words can describe!
My grandmother and I//My Aunt Kim and I, who also lent a much needed helping hand to my mother, thank you!!
My cake fit for our little princess with a crown and a sneak peak of the adorable favors my parents worked so hard on!
Sarah and Paige with their little ones, cooperating so well for them for photos as you can see! ;) ;)
Robin, Mema, Angie, Aunt Bonnie, Aunt Carol and Dorinda
Maria, Becca, Sarah, Paige, Courtney, Liz, Hayley, Via and Chelsey
thank you thank you to all of you my SWEETHEARTS! You all looked so dear!
The sweetest Oliver and I
Take one, Dad said, "I thought you were ready!"//Take two, actually ready
Would you believe this little darlin traveled over 600 miles from Georgia to be apart of my shower? Because I can! Hayley (and Chris) I love you both and appreciate you taking the time to be here for David and I!
Via G my OG <3
My RL #squad on film <3
And last but not least, David and I. We had an amazing day with amazing and loved ones and as I've already said we cannot thank you enough for being there for us! All of your gifts were so precious and dear and I cannot wait to see Eva in, on and around everything you got for her! We are so lucky to have such amazing people in our lives and cannot express that enough. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you ALL SO MUCH!!
OLIVIA WEARS FOREVER 21 BODYSUIT, H&M JEANS, MICHAEL KORS WATCH